There's more to it than tipping a glass and acting foolish, here's a few pointers:

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar, preferably towards the end of of the night.

2. Always toast before doing a shot.

3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

4. Change your toast at least once a month.

5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is pathetic...   and a waste of money.

7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly dirty, very dry, in and out, super chilled half & half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two part cocktails.

9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: "WOOO! I'm gettin drunk now"  "God, I hate shots"  "Whoa, that one didn't settle well".

12. Never, ever,  tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.

13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.

19. 20% is the standard percentage to tip, so figure it out.

20. If you drink one foo foo drink in public,  you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girlie drinks.
Exemption: If you're sunning on a Caribbean beach, and a 21 year old topless beach bunny delivers it to you...   free of charge.

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing - urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25. Shouting  'woo-hoo!'  in a crowded bar, is telling the world that you are drunk...   and gay..

26. If there is a D.J. you can request only one song per night. If he doesn't play it within a half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.

28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink, and if you get one, tip accordingly or don't expect one again.

31. It is unacceptable to complain about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator. It is however acceptable to complain about the temperature.

32. This one says nothing.

33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it.

36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse through all the drinks you've never tried.

37. Try one new drink each week.

38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40. If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are a cheap ass.

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.

42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

43. A bar is not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44. Being drunk is feeling "sophisticated" without being able to say it.

45. It is okay to drink alone.

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling".

47. Nothing screams fag louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48. See number thirty two

49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it, this goes for men and women.

50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.

51. Never play more than three songs on the jukebox by the same artist in a row.

52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.

53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

54. Never lie in a bar. You may however, grossly exaggerate.

55. If you think you're slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you're slurring a lot, then stop talking, you are no longer speaking English.

56. Screaming, "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.

57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a directly proportional three percent better chance you will get your ass kicked.

58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59. If you are broke and a friend is "spotting you", you must laugh at all his jokes.

60. If you are broke and a friend is "making fun of you", you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.

63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of their response.

64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.

65. Before you die, single handedly make one decent martini.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."

67. Never ask a bartender "what's good tonight?" They do not fly the scotch in fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line at the bar for drinks, know what you want before you get there, get your damn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.

71. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon.  Especially if you're supposed to be at work.

72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. It's the equivalent of asking a precocious five year old to argue quantum physics with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you look like a jackass.

73. If you're going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It's the "no tell" liquor.

74. In a crowded bar, if you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink. 

75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.

76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with "I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . ."

78. When you're in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he's buying.

79. If you are 86'd, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.

80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.

81. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.

82. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there's something in it.

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

84. If the lights suddenly get really bright and the music turns off, that probably means you should head for the door.

85. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink